My life has always been an open book, I shared literally almost everything that’s happening, from the happiest ones, the travels, accomplishments, up to those down times such as my anxiety attacks and everything.
Social media is like a movie, and you are the director, so you tend to show the best shots, you are the one who’s really in control of the flow. To be honest, when I first started using social medias, I always think that these people has the perfect lives, they are always happy, it seems like they’re not even having struggles with their lives, but as you go through, you’ll realize, not everything is shown, you just want to share those things that are interesting. I have been very open but, things kind of changed. I’ve been really MIA (missing in action) lately, from my facebook account, my twitter, instagram, youtube and the blog. I stopped posting for quite a while, and it’s because of some personal matters, which I wanted to just keep it and not share with everyone.
Life is just so unpredictable, you’ll never know when will you be at your best point and how long will at last, and you will not know when will you have your most down moments. It is not easy, it’s full of ups and downs, it’s full of rough and bumpy roads. I just wrote this post, just to like kind of want to somewhat release what’s inside me and let my readers, which already became part of me, who are constantly emailing me why I’m not writing or posting.
I don’t know if people are really meant to be judgemental or it’s just a thing running in your mind. I can say that, right now, I am on my weakest point where I really don’t know what to do anymore and what else to think, I always want to solve it and get rid of the situation, but it feels like my brain isn’t functioning really well like before. It’s really hard to deal with tons of problems and at the same time dealing with depression and anxiety. Just imagine how to like not care with people but at the same time always care and think of them. I don’t want to care what others will think of me, because, I know that it’s not my problem anymore, but the other side of my brain thinks that I should care and kind of do what they want and what they want me to be, which I know isn’t right, because no one is born to validate someone else’s opinion. I always wanted to seek help, but the other half of me says, “no” because you really don’t want too many people getting their hands over. It’s so hard that you don’t know where to place yourself, because you have two minds that are battling with each other. So you’re there, stucked and just starting to hate yourself then everything gets worse. Your body doesn’t want to anymore be productive, your brain doesn’t really wants to function well, and sometimes, you will just be there, crying yourself out without even knowing why, you don’t know which problem to deal first or it’s just that things are getting heavy and it’s really giving you such a hard time. You always tell yourself to just be happy and do whatever that makes you happy as long as you’re not stepping on someone else, but if you have anxiety, that’s not an easy thing to do.
As of right now, I still am at the process of finding my way back and finding myself, because I felt like I lost my way because of the crazy bumpy road that I am in. I think that, I am just discovering things on my own right now and that I want to learn by myself and stand up by myself. Maybe, I’ve put myself in this situation, so I want to be the one to pull myself out and be back at the right direction. This isn’t an easy process, I know that it will really take time and it’s just really gonna be tough, so let’s just be strong and I hope I find my way back as soon as possible.
Surround yourself with positivity, because you don’t want to be eaten by the negative vibes coming your way, be stronger than what you’re going through, All is well, and I know, I can make it through. With that, I still am very much grateful for the people that are not giving up and are still there for me despite these really miserable things happening to me. And of course, to all my readers out here, thank you very very very much for the sweet messages and for the never ending support like omg, I’m not even posting but you guys still manage to put up or add more views and please be informed that I will forever be thankful to all of you.
All the love, x.